In a field of Monarchs

There are moments in life where you happen upon something so unexpected you wonder if it can happen again or question if the likelihood of its duplication so slim the encounter can only be described as "lucky chance". I walked a trail in Laguna Beach religiously. The trail straddled rolling hills where hawks hovered and ravens swooned over the desert bush and sages. Idyllically beautiful, this place had a sacred, mystical quality and I tended to fall into romantic thoughts as roadrunners whizzed by me, overtaking my jog. But even so, I hadn't been prepared for what I would encounter on one particular day. As I walked down one of the hills my eyes saw a vision of a thousand Monarch butterflies strewn out over the brush. I had never seen so many at once. I realized I happened upon the one day they took to rest there on my favorite trail before they continued down their way to Mexico. I had no camera, just my own vision as I passed by cluster upon cluster of beating wings. I have never been so thrilled in my life.

I have no idea if the Laguna Beach trail is a regular stopping point for Monarch butterflies on their yearly migration to Mexico. I haven't seen it again. So this makes me feel lucky and blessed that I got to be a part of their journey, even if was just walking by. I wish I could share a frame of my experience. This link to this video will have to do: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/nature/journey-butterflies.html

Going Green & Saving Green This Winter Holiday Season

I love the holidays, the lights, the festivities, but I hate the impact over-consumption can have on the environment. Making eco-friendly choices can not only save energy or prevent needless paper & plastic waste from going into the landfills, but save money in the long run.

Here are some ideas I've used in the past. I hope will give you some very green holiday cheer!

Packaging - Use recycled and recyclable materials: It’s easy to be attracted to the shiny, metallic paper but recycled wrapping paper can be just as pretty and less taxing on the landfill. For a cheaper alternative, reuse gift bags decorated with old holiday cards or cutout snowflakes. (Great for covering store logos). Reuse bows and ribbons.

Natural products make great gift decorations: Instead of plastic bows, try a natural gift decoration like holly and berries, eucalyptus leaves, rosemary or olive branches. They look beautiful and if they’re from your yard, they don’t cost a thing!

Use canvas bags as gift wrap: An alternative to gift bags is packaging your present in reusable canvas shopping bags that the recipient can use year-round. The Clean Green Bag Company makes affordable, sturdy grocery bags available at www.cleangreenbags.com. But you can buy cute canvas shopping bags anywhere these days, and many stores, like Target will give you a few cents off every time you use your bag instead of taking one of their plastic ones.

Starter environmental kit: I'm amazed that some folks don't know about some truly great green, biodegradable cleaning products and everyone needs cleaning products so this will be a truly useful gift. Start with your favorite cleaning products (I love Seventh Generation) and add compact-fluorescent bulbs, and garbage bags made from recycled plastic or biodegradable garbage bags. "Wrap" them in a canvas bag.

Gift cards: From restaurants to grocery stores, book and coffee shops, there is a gift card for everyone; and giving a card lets the individual get exactly what she or he wants. For a coffee lover (like me), give them a gift card from their favorite coffeehouse “wrapped” in a travel mug. Using the mug will save them 10 cents each time, stretching their gift card while saving the landfill from unnecessary cups.

Candles: Cut down on your emissions by choosing soy candles over paraffin. They burn cleaner, are more fragrant, and are available everywhere– including Target.

Energy-Efficient Holiday Lights: Look for LED lights or energy-saving lights for lighting your tree or home. The initial price may be more than regular lights, but you’ll save in energy costs.

If you have ideas to add, please post a comment and I'll incorporate them into my next holiday season. Happy Holidays all!!

Short-term Memory

In California, in May, it always rains;
but no one seems to remember.
Every year someone comments on the rain, saying it’s out of sorts;
And I remind them that it rains every year in May,
but no one seems to remember.
I know, because one year I paid attention; because I didn't expect it but I noted that it happened.
And that it fell again the year after - and the year after; and while I noticed the rain I noticed too that people didn't expect it and saw it as abnormal. But it happens every year.
It rains in May.
Now I wait for the person who comments that it’s raining in a month where no one expects the rain,
because I’m paying attention and I expect the rain.

Mirrors

Mirrors are funny things. How can we trust them to reflect back what’s really there? What do we really see? These thoughts came to mind as I saw a more pleasing version of my body in the Starbuck’s bathroom mirror. As I looked at myself, my hips and body looked slimmer. I wondered how accurate this mirror was. Was it my reflection or my perception or both?

As I pondered whether this mirror was made purposely to make the image appear "thinner", I remembered a story of a woman and her mother who for years saw their behinds as "large" when they looked into their home mirror. Another woman came along and checked out herself in the same mirror. "Hey, this mirror is off," said this woman. "Really?," exclaimed the other two. "Yes," said the third woman. "It makes your butt looked bigger." This astonished the other women who had convinced themselves that it was their bodies, not the mirror, that was distorted. Because of what the third woman said, the other two's perception changed. No longer was what the mirror reflected back real, but a distortion.

So again I ask, what is a mirror? Is it real? Is it a distortion or is the distortion based on perception? Was the third woman right or the third woman wrong?I wasn’t there. I didn’t see the distortion or lack thereof. Though I can’t quite comprehend why these two women didn’t figure it out until another person had to point it out to them. Why were they so invested in this false belief of themselves? Didn’t they see other mirrors or were the other mirrors equally as damaging?

How often do we see ourselves really? Or see what others see or don’t see? We can over-distort or under-distort - depending on conditioning - what we tell ourselves.

That day at Starbucks, I liked what I saw in the mirror. A few years ago, I would have been disappointed because I always punished myself as being "not thin enough". I regret that in my twenties I often paid attention to my supposed faults and less on my attributes. Time is passing. I have wrinkles, gray hair. Back in my "youth" I wish I appreciated more my supple skin. I know better now.

Sometimes I’m astonished to see such an old person looking back at me in the mirror. "Where did the wrinkles come from?," I ask. Then I remind myself I’m 42. I’m not concerned anymore at being perceived as sexy or in “competition” with other females. I’m concerned with myself, how I want to live my life and what I really want to get out of it over the next 30 years. I’m middle-aged. And I’m coming closer to self-acceptance. If I carry a few extra pounds, I’m not a failure at life. I'm letting go of other's negative comments about my body that I've allowed to control my thoughts and my self-perception. I'm focusing on what I do have - a functioning healthy body! However I choose to see the reflection, good or bad is ultimately how I want to relate to myself - and I want my relationship to be happy so I'll focus on the good.

Second paragraph of my book

Thanks to all the encouragement, I'm posting the second paragraph of my book:

I bottomed out, and in those times, you can’t hide anymore. I hit a wall so hard it shook me to the core. For the past six years, I’d been painstakingly working my way up in Hollywood post-production, climbing to a position where I thought I could be more valued. When I got to that level, all my expectations of how my accomplishments would feel didn’t happen. My self-doubts that plagued me on the climb up weren’t cured; I still doubted my abilities, weighing myself against others. And in this new position of responsibility, I felt even more pressure to prove myself. So I worked hard which led to my getting even more responsibility. This gave me confidence that I was actually proving myself. But another voice inside me that gets buried too often rose up and said, “Why are you working harder than others but getting paid less?” This thought started driving me to the brink.

1st Paragraph of my book

Today I thought I'd post the first paragraph of my book, My Year of Living Manifest-fully. To be honest, I'm proud of this paragraph. I have a friend who laughs at me (in a good way) because I happen to be in love with my writing. Perhaps I should feel no shame in this. So with love, here's my first paragraph. I have several more... and more to write... Enjoy and if you feel like sharing your thoughts, that's always appreciated :)

Here's the excerpt:

"I begin my story at a place where perhaps a lot of people land. We think the world is against us, not knowing that the place we’re trapped in comes from what we’ve created. The spot becomes clearer when we’ve moved away from it, like a stain on a pillow. While in it, it’s hard to see. I inhabited a very dark spot. This black, cramped area felt like I was imprisoned or in a mental institution but I was at my job, dying, with my soul bursting to escape. No one could have guessed, with my easy smile and rosy cheeks that as I took a walk during lunch, next to the bustling traffic on a busy road, I wondered how it would feel to let go and fall in the middle of the rushing cars. It took all my strength not to let go and find out."

Explaining the God concept

I wept when I first watched this video. I've often tried to explain my thoughts and feelings on what I feel as "God". I don't think I could put it more succinctly and more beautifully than this video: