Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Our spirit guides, communication, and the frustrations

One of my clients that I do spiritual coaching for prompted this post. After I relayed a message to her from my spirit guides for her, her response was a particularly human one. She said she wished her spirit guides would be more aggressive in communicating to her. I certainly have been in her shoes. I fully admit that I’ve yelled and hollered at my guides in times of doubt and said, “what is up?” My guides, being patient, know that in a moment or two, after my yelling I’ll calm down because there’s always the higher perspective to understand & I’ll figure it out at some point.

Here’s what I know about the journey here in earth school. Like a book, if we knew how the story would end, why read it? Why take the journey if we knew already what was in store? In the bigger picture, why choose to incarnate into earth school if we already knew the answers. We don’t have them – we come here to learn them – because the answers we gain here come from our own experiences.

Our lessons begin on the other side. We are given instructions and then we set out in this journey to experience it first-hand. Something happens and we exclaim, “why didn't our teachers tell us this?!” Like the the good witch from the Wizard Oz told Dorothy and friends, “she had to learn this for herself,” that's pretty much the standard answer I give. I say it because it's true.  

Our guides are here to give, wait for it… GUIDANCE. They can give us answers to help us along the journey but they don’t often give the whole score. It’s up to us to figure this out. This is again due to us needing to find our own answer for ourselves. Here’s an example of what I mean. I have several intuitive gifts but I’m not fully clair-audient which is the ability to hear clearly messages from the other side. I’m good at feeling things but I used to question EVERYTHING and often sought answers outside of myself thinking that would give me a clearer understanding of messages I felt I wasn't comprehending. I asked a medium / spiritual coach who is fully clair-audient to ask my guides about my writing path. I knew and even had universal confirmation that I was here to be a writer. But I wasn't going anywhere with it. I wanted more guidance, answers, and what my overall purpose was.  So I waited for this magical answer from my guides that would help me understand. The channeled answer was this, “pick up the sword.” My response, “what?” Again the coach repeated, “pick up the sword.” I shrunk back in my chair, arms crossed fuming. “What the hell do they mean, pick up the sword?,” I retorted. The coach tried to help by prompting me to think about what a sword meant but I was hotly perturbed at that point. I wanted a direct answer from my guides to tell me what to do and what I got was, to me, a riddle.

Me being me, and my quest always to uncover what things mean, I went round and round with, “take up the sword." I couldn't quite make sense of it. One weekend I decided to watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy. In the 3rd movie, Aragorn has the moment where he picks up the sword and decides to follow his destiny. Are you waiting for me to say, “And then it clicked?” It didn’t right then. Here’s when it happened. At the time I worked as an assistant at a PR firm. I was a temp and I was torn because they wanted to fill this position and it was between me and another girl. The position would have meant job stability but it didn’t match what I wanted to be – a writer. I knew my spirit guides had set me up in this position as a possible job but I was hesitant to take it because I hated (loathed, despised, etc.) being an assistant. That following Monday, I had a breaking point at the job. One of the PR managers, not my direct boss but my boss adjacent (AKA one of my boss’s bosses) asked me to do her expense report. I cannot tell you HOW MUCH I HATE DOING EXPENSE REPORTS. (Yes, I had to go full bold face capitals.) During lunch, the expense report task continued to set off sparks. While I was stomping through the courtyard thinking about it, the scene with Aragorn popped into my head and I said to myself, “I don’t want to be an assistant. I want to be a writer. It’s my destiny. It’s what I’m here to do.” CUE BIG MUSIC.  That’s how momentous my discovery felt. It wasn’t long after that the boss adjacent told me I didn’t get the job. They decided to give it to the other girl. This would have bummed me out if I took it as being passed over. I didn’t.

Here’s what really happened. Our guides are here to guide us, but they are also with us on this journey to manifest for us what we want to do. And they finally heard me say it. I was tired of doing the admin work and I was ready to put aside my fears and embrace what I came into this lifetime to do – write.
I called the medium/ spiritual coach and told her I figured it out. She nicely relayed a message from my guides, “we’re so proud of you. It took you a bit but you figured it out to the deepest meaning. It is a gift and it’s yours for this lifetime.” She also relayed that because I had figured out the message, I also shut down the job because I truly didn’t want to do it. So, my guides, having my best interest at heart went to search for better opportunities to support my career goals. 

The bigger picture is that we have to let our guides know we are truly ready to manifest the next step in our lives. Saying no to what you don't want is truly the best way to bring in better opportunities into your life.
So just know, when things don’t always seem to be working out as you thought, there is always a plan in progress – and a plan that gets adjusted based on what we learn, continue to learn, and where we want to grow.  I don’t always get the full plan. I do my best as an intuitive, empath, clair-sentient and clair-cognizant person to figure it out but I don’t always have that answer. Sometimes our guides don’t know. We never really know until the plan fully manifests. What I do know is that it’s best to take heart and know that when we put our best foot forward, the universe does its best to respond. And sometimes the “best” looks like a job rejection when it’s the best thing that could have happened to us at the time. 

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

The Intuitive Energy Healer that is Me

Hi everyone! I have exciting news to share about a new career path for me. I'm an intuitive energy healer. I discovered my ability to work with energy a few years ago, but I didn't have a full realization what I could do with this ability until last year. I do plan on writing about my discovery but since it's a STORY and might take a bit for me to write, for now, I wanted to announce the launch of my website and my business called Pure Pearl Energy Healing.

I'm excited about this career path because it's a great avenue for me to use my ability as an empath. I'm still a writer. The great thing about being a writer is that I can articulate what this wild world of energy healing is all about. So as I learn, I'll share. Check out my site. Feel free to ask questions. And of course, contact me if you need energy healing. I specialize in doing online healings either by phone or by instant messaging so I can make appointments with people no matter what continent you are on. (Really. I've done a healings with people located in Cental and South America).  I also do empathic reads and coaching. You can find all details of what I do on my site.

Best, Jen

Monday, November 11, 2013

Coming Home

I live in the Los Angeles area and I HATE flying into LAX (the Los Angeles International Airport for those lucky souls who haven't had the experience of dealing with the chaos of that airport). I usually will find a way to route my flights so I don't have to deal with LAX. There's one exception though and that's when I fly internationally. Sounds bizarre? Maybe. The reason I do like it is for the warm "Welcome Home!" When an American Citizen goes through customs at LAX you have a genuinely nice Customs Agent that says, "Welcome Home," as you enter the customs area. The last time I checked into customs at LAX was returning from a 20 something hour flight from China & I really needed that kind of welcome. It felt awesome and I was glad to be "home," and having a restored sense of familiarity.

My guess is that everyone wants a sense of "home" but that feeling of home has been complicated for me. I grew up both on the East Coast & the West Coast so when people ask me, "where are you from" I get an exasperated feeling of thinking, "do I really want to go into this whole story?" Mostly people ask me this, possibly, because they are trying to figure me out. I don't think I have a vibe of exactly "where I'm from." And the honest answer is, 'I don't know exactly." I want to respond, the universe, or "I'm on the planet just like you," but that might invite a more bizarre reaction. I've been writing more on my empathic abilities. When you are an empath, you can pick up social cues & get an understanding of how to fit into, well, anywhere. So I adapt to my surroundings and might give off the feeling I belong even though in my reality, I might still feel alien. I can adapt to the surroundings but it doesn't necessarily feel like I fit in. I appreciate this ability but I do question, "where's my identity." So for a few years I have been working on creating boundaries so I'm not as adaptable. I want to find the fit that works for me instead of me working for "it".

I still haven't found that place of, "Oh this is it for me" in the physical earth space, but I feel I have found my spiritual & emotional "home". I recently joined an online Empath support group. I had no idea how I sorely needed this until I joined. Though I've known some empaths through the years I have never been surrounded by so many souls similar to me. All of us empaths are our own people just like anyone is an individual among a group but we have so many commonalities with our abilities. I no longer feel that sense of isolation that I had developed in which I told myself, "no one in the world can really understand me." There are actually people out there; I just had to put down my guard and find it.

Once I joined the group, I dove right in. Normally, I'm more reserved but I felt comfortable enough to embrace everything there and I joined a few groups. I introduced myself and said, "HI". I got immediate responses. One especially struck me and inspired this post. My fella empath greeted me with, "Welcome home Jen!" And I knew she was right. I really have. And I'm grateful to the universe that we have a place where we can bond, enjoy ourselves and be understood. I feel more myself again and back on path  where I can flow in a positive direction.

Monday, October 28, 2013

Ghost Tail

Since it's nearing my favorite time of year - Halloween - I thought I'd blog one of my creepier stories.

I love cats. And I mean really love them. You might subscribe my love of them to my inner witch. Whatever the draw is, I just have a strong connection to cats. I also love old homes. And I love cemeteries. Cemeteries don't creep me out like they may for some people. The energy I feel at a cemetery is mostly peaceful which is why I often visit them. I used to live in a Victorian house in Oakland down the street from one of my all time favorite cemeteries, Mountain View. One sunny morning, I was tra-tra-tralling through Mountain View when I spotted a red circle on a tombstone. I was instantly intrigued because I associated that kind of of symbol with Native American Indian hieroglyphs - and to me that was a positive type of drawing. I was too far away to make out what the symbol truly was so I bounced excitedly over to the tombstone to figure out what it could mean. The design consisted of two circles, one larger circle encompassing the smaller circle. The larger circle was painted with something that looked like hair and more hair then would ever come off using a brush. A chill came over me and I got a tingling that something wasn't right which made me look to my right. Down on the ground I saw a skeleton of a newly killed cat. The body was skinned and contorted. I realized then that what I truly discovered was a cat used in animal sacrifice. This symbol had nothing to do with Native American culture. It was sinister. And maybe what I thought was red paint could very well have been blood. Horrified, I rushed to the cemetery's management office to report what I saw. I explained to the person at the counter what I found. The person took in what I said and told me that they would send someone over to clean it up. I wasn't sure if the person at the counter took me seriously. To me it was dead serious. Someone had performed an evil act in one my favorite places & I wanted that cleaned up. I left the cemetery, disturbed, hoping they would follow through.

I couldn't let it go. I kept thinking about the cat, wondering if the cemetery personnel were handling the cleanup. I dragged a friend over to the tombstone the next day. The symbol, the cat & all the negativity of that act was still there at the grave site. Pissed & upset I marched over to the office. Now, normally I'm pretty polite. I don't harass people to get my way but on that day, I did just that. I made a cemetery staff member get into one of their golf carts and drive over with me to the site so he could see it for himself. The staff member tried to figure out who would do the sacrifice, blaming it on art students he'd seen the day before. I wasn't convinced. That wasn't an act of someone just dabbling in black magic. To me, the extent of the sacrifice, including the skinning of the cat spoke of someone with a very corrupt and damaged mind.

I don't know if they found the culprit who did the sacrifice but the cemetery did clean up the mess and today there is no trace of what happened there - the energy has been purified. But I think of that cat and what happened to it. I'm angered that anyone would murder an animal because of their fucked up psychology. Recently I've been thinking about the cat's spirit. "What happens to the spirit of an animal if it is sacrificed?," I wondered. Then it dawned on me that I might know. (Now that I've already revealed some of my weird quirks such as liking cemeteries, I guess I can confess that from time to time I see spiritual energy.) In my Victorian house in Oakland, out of the corner of my eye, I would see a spirit of a black cat darting around the house. I didn't know who the cat was. I thought I might be, Frankie, who was a cat of former housemate. Frankie didn't die at the house but he lived at that house for several years and he and I had a close relationship. But I wasn't sure. I would only see the cat briefly, jumping around. Finally it hit me that maybe it was the cat from the cemetery. I didn't see the color of its fur in the circle because it was covered in red. It made sense though that the color of the cat was black as they are too often picked up and abused in that way. I truly hope that it was the cat, that it's spirit attached to me in the cemetery and I brought him home to a safe place. And mostly I hope that cat has moved on and is living it's 2nd, 3rd or 9th life in a very happy home.

Monday, July 22, 2013

You're sensitive? Me too. I've learned to embrace sensitivity as a gift

Interesting the interaction I just had with a lady at Starbucks. This lady was one person in line ahead of me. The lady directly in front of me turned to me and asked me if I had the time. I said I didn't know without rummaging for my phone to check. She told me that's okay. The lady in front of her turned and "randomly" said to her,  "I think it's about 12:45." The lady who 1st asked for the time took off right then. Curious, I reached for my phone and saw that it was exactly 12:45. I spoke out to the woman and said, "you're right, it is 12:45". "That's weird," she said. "Not to me," I said. "I'm empathic so I often get those kinds of feelings." "What's empathic?" inquired this lady. Then it dawned on my the purpose of my conversation.

I've been coming across A LOT of empathic people lately. I feel this is a combination that I've become more open then I've ever been about my abilities along with my heartfelt desire to connect more with others like me. In the past, I wouldn't have mentioned this ability for fear of being seen like a nut job to this person. She may have thought that I was but I pursued the conversation regardless. I explained to her that empaths have heightened sensitivity to feelings. I asked if she felt this was true of her. She replied, "Well, I'm sensitive but I always thought that was because I'm a mommy." I didn't respond directly to her supposition that what makes her more sensitive is being a mom. Having had both an insensitive mother and grandmother, that's not my own personal experience that motherhood heightens your sensitivities. (Though I have witnessed women I felt who have had an overly hard exterior soften after becoming moms). Motherhood doesn't mean you can pick up on information like knowing the time. That's someone in my opinion that has heightened sensitivity (or highly sensitive).

When I say "heightened sensitivities" I mean being open to information in the "ether". And what I mean by "information in the ether" is that there's universal communication always going on around us. The universe is always speaking and if you have your radar on, you can pick things up. This is what sensitives know. Ask one, if you're not one, and they will tell you. :) Some of us are more tuned into it than others.

When I have this kinds of conversation, or what I like to think as an "universal encounter" I shift up my energy level so that I'm in the universal space of consciousness. It's from this place where I can to tune into someone's energy. In this case, I was determining this woman's empathic ability. I felt she had this ability so I asked her what she did for a living. She said she worked with special needs kids, some of whom were autistic. I asked if she could feel what their needs were even with the kids who weren't able to speak. She replied she had "non verbal kids" and she felt she could sense their needs. I shared my feeling that she was uniquely gifted to work in this capacity because she could communicate her students' feelings if they couldn't verbally express themselves. I'm tearing up just thinking about this & how wonderful she could use her empath skills in this way!

The flip side of being an empath is that we can pick up so much of someone else's energy, it can fatigue us. This lady told me she's an insomniac and gets about 4 hours of sleep. I felt myself "full of advice" to share about how she could protect her energy but I also could feel the wall, the wall the woman began to put up between us. When I feel a wall I know that I've reached my limit with a person. I pulled myself away & went on with my business. I don't know what she'll take from this conversation. She may just forget all about it -and if what I shared doesn't work for her, I feel she should drop what I said. I felt the purpose of the conversation was to validate that her sensitivities & that her abilities serve a purpose which she's uses to "great effect".

Being sensitive I'm sensitive to other sensitives who may have gotten a bad rap from others about being "too sensitive".  I've had a fair share of complaints from family and "friends" that I'm too sensitive. They threw this at me when I reacted to a comment I felt was piercingly unkind. But rather than take responsibility for what was said by the person who said it, they laid it on me that my hurt feelings were my fault. And with negative piled on negative I hated my sensitivity until I had the realization that being sensitive is actually a beautiful trait. And not only was it beautiful that I can connect with more emotional depth than most people, these same people who shamed me for my sensitivities also benefited from my abilities. I could tune into their feelings and feel their feelings and know where they came from. I got angry after that realization because I realized that I didn't honor or respect my abilities, and that being sensitive served a purpose. It wasn't something to be embarrassed about or hide. And when I finally accepted myself and my abilities I began to explore what I could using my own gifts.

I have to give credit my one of my Twitter friends, Helen E. for helping me cope with my sensitivities. She inspired me because she didn't hide that she's highly sensitive. She embraced it. She even puts out a Twitter journal called "I'm a little sensitive." I admit I was concerned about following another highly sensitive person on Twitter because I didn't want to risk offending her. One of the downsides of my sensitivity is that I can feel the hurt of others so if someone is highly sensitive, a red flag goes up. Of all the time I've followed Helen, I've NEVER had any difficulty. Unlike others where I've felt a burst of emotional flame, we've always had good communication. And what I took from that is this: in her act of embracing herself, she doesn't hide who she is, or makes excuses like I had been doing. I admired and felt inspired by this self-acceptance.

I admit there was a part of me that wanted to pass on the feel good energy of "feel good about being an empath" to this lady today. Maybe she needed it. Maybe it was projection. But I felt something. And I know my abilities. If there's a feeling, I trust it now. And rather than "tough it out" meaning smash down my feelings like others do, I embrace them and go with the emotional flow.

I told the lady it was really nice meeting her and it was. If anything else, I had a connection and in that is a good experience on any given day.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Game Play: My new winning strategy

I’ve asked myself what is my "DEAL", as if the cards I’m “handed” in life aren’t the cards of my choosing. What I mean by that is, I know I designed my life before I entered into my earth body, even if my “score” isn’t always in my memory.  I’ve walked sidewalks spotting playing cards lying in the street.  And I’ve wondered if that’s a “chance” card or a card I’ve asked to receive. I’ve also found dice & wondered if I’m on a roll or again if this is just chance.  

In reality, I’m not much of a game player, in particular if the games are mostly made of odds; I like to win. So, the games I most like to play are ones of strategy where I can plan my move & be in the spot that’s most advantageous. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t; but the more I play the more I can predict that outcome. This is my view of intelligent design: to know the position that’s most advantageous to get a winning score.  

I've surprised myself by writing this above paragraph. I'm not always in touch my competitive spirit but it's there. On one hand I want to admonish myself for such thoughts as seeing life as "winning" or "losing". But life is "rewarding". We have these phrases and we use them often: "the game of life", "winning hand", etc., etc. If I took life as play, could I take it less seriously? Can I just see some situation as just a bad hand & a hand I can walk away from?

I said I don't like to play the odds but I have gambled at a few things in life & there hasn't always been a good pay off. So in my life now, as I move forward, I'm playing a game of strategy - one that when I see a turn at the road ahead, I won't be so freaked out because I've either planned for that outcome or know enough to know how to "DEAL" with it.

So maybe that's my true DEAL - to forgive the losses & forge ahead with a renewed spirit that life is continuing on a roll in a new direction. 

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Keep on moving on: what I learned from my horse ride

(I revamped a piece I wrote a few years ago about my horseback riding lessons. I needed to remind myself of this lesson & interestingly enough, it perfectly fits the themes of this July 4th Independence Day!)

Don’t fall off -that's the sage advice I learned when riding a horse.  I had signed up for horseback riding lessons a few years back to get over a childhood fear of  riding horses.  As a kid, I didn't glow in confidence. I felt run down quite often and getting on top of an animal so strong and seemingly uncontrollable scared me. 
As an adult, I wanted to correct  my insecurities but I had to deal with my doubts that I lacked the will or commanding presence to ride the horse and get it to “listen” to me.  But I wanted to learn if I could, or at least what it took.  

On my first lesson, we didn't get on the horse.  Instead, we learned about them, how they responded to us, where their blind spots were.  Once we learned what their needs were, and how to control them, then we got to go for a ride.  Oh, and also, the teacher stressed we really needed to pay attention and be present.

Being present hasn't been easy for me. I've often escaped into being "elsewhere", not always interested and comfortable where I was. If I wanted to get on a horse, I didn't have that luxury of escapism. I had to pay attention or else I might find a tree branch in my face at best or being kicked onto my behind at worst. So I paid attention to what the teacher said as best as I could trying to hold back my anxieties.

I took a brief hiatus after my first lesson. (I got offered a contract job I felt I couldn't refuse). When I returned to the lessons, I got put into a class full of advanced students. This both intimidated me & inspired me. I knew I wasn't going to be as good as the other riders but I felt comfort that they knew what they were doing & they could help me. And they did. 

One of the woman I bonded with talked about riding as being her one Zen day amidst her hectic schedule.  Riding to her was meditation. This Zen feeling took awhile for me to figure out;  I was too busy hanging onto the horse, my back in knots.  However,  I did manage to figure out that staying in the saddle was not just a matter of thighs clenching the saddle but also the balance of the hips swaying back and forth.  It was a start from getting my thinking out of my head and into my body. 

Once I figured out that I had to both relax but also grip the saddle, I let go in my next horse ride. My teacher instructed that as the horse runs, its back flexes up and down so we had to follow that movement. (If we didn't go with the flow, then we would make the ride bumpy & uncomfortable). When it was my turn, I shut my mind off, responded to the horse’s movement, feeling a oneness with him.  My grip lessened on the reigns, holding just enough to guide my horse. Because I let go enough, the horse could feel free to run. I didn't fear falling off; I put trust in myself that I wouldn't. I remained present &  I could feel the true power & strength of the animal beneath me. Running this free was one of the most exhilarating feelings I’ve ever had.

As the lessons continued I learned this: At all times, I needed to keep my focus ahead of me.  I had to navigate the reigns and lead the horse or the horse would lead me -but not to tightly - if the reigns were held too tightly, the horse would try to break free. I could understand how the horse felt. Isn't that how humans react too? As a person, I like to feel free, and give others free reign. But in not wanting to be a person who seemed "bossy" I also didn't state what my needs were. Could there be a possible balance in life where you could state what you want, give direction to others but also help maintain freedom for myself and for them? I was learning I could.

Riding a horse is a balance act, like life is. And having a relationship with a horse is similar to any type of relationship. I had to learn what the horse responded to so I could get what I wanted - a fun ride. I'm still learning how to navigate life - where I need to give direction &; where I need to learn to let go. It's a work in progress; but what I got from my lesson is this: once I learned how to really ride, the ride took me places I've often wanted to go. This is the lesson I need to remember so I can keep on moving on!